Major Update!!

Well I have a few updates to post i havent been on in forever but hey work keeps me busy..

Alright well My biological fathers current wife actually found me on facebook and ive been in touch with her but it all seems kinda pushed i havent heard from him its all her and im wondering if he even really wants to talk to me or if shes just pushing it herself she says theyve been looking for me for years and theyve been talking about me for years but they knew where i was and never tried contacting me makes me wonder if they were waiting on the right time but its all moving so fast i cant even catch my breath theyre already talking about meeting and when i say them i mean her of course its all just crazy theyre talking about coming up but im not sure how i feel about it all just yet i mean its been almost 20 years with no contact so i guess im kinda wonderin why now ive known about him since i was 8 years old and im almost 20 now kinda crazy to me but anyways she seems nice so far but who am i to say i dont really know her i did find out that i had a half brother and a nephew as well but im not sure if they know about me or not.

Well i made another stupid mistake i swore i wouldnt!!

Thats right i slept with another guy, i totally froze up and heres a way to explain it "i was playin back a thousand memories baby" from taylor swifts song if this was a movie but i just started thinking about my first and how i swore to myself that i wouldnt do it again but that didnt happen it started out so innocent then it escalated from there he somehow got off three layers of his clothes without my knowing it thank god i realized what was going on and made him at least use a condom if we were gonna do it but thruthfully i wish i had said no because it just felt so wrong to me but i didnt and i cant change it now i havent heard from him since i sent him a nasty message after not hearing anything from him in 2 days!! i mean come on 2 days?? So i freaked and flipped on him i went by his place last night to apologize but he wasnt there and hes not texting me back so im not real sure guess ill just have to wait and see i met a nice guy though that im supposed to hang out with in like 3 days hes cute and actually cares about me instead of sex which is nice because im still not ready to have sex even after having done it 4 times now with 2 different people if u can count the first as 2 because they didnt last very long and i can tell you it still hurts my advice is to wait for the right one im in complete regret still because of it and im tired of being used for sex thats not the type of girl i am but people think i am i guess i dont really know but theres your updates its now time for me to go do the freggin dishes and get ready for bed i have work at 9 in the morning

Stay Beautiful,

Bre <3

The hardest thing to do is say bye bye,,,,Again

Hey its me again, things are slowly improving for me i met another guy keepin my fingers crossed that this goes good only time will tell, sometimes i think guys are only out to use and abuse me and thats not what im looking for i want a guy that can love me and actually wanna be with me not somebody whos only down for a piece of ass then their gone some guys are just jerks and dont care about a girls feelings ive been fighting with my family alot more lately i feel like im stuck in a cage and idk how to get out of it i need to go somewhere and clear my mind for a while but sadly i cant afford it, i just feel like theres nothing left here for me idk what to do anymore idk what to say idk how to feel everythings changing faster then i can keep up with and its honestly starting to scare me because i dont think im ready for life to change full force when im just trying to figure some things out maybe in time ill find mr. right and everything will be right again i really hope so thats it for now though

Stay Beautiful,

Bre!

the hardest thing to do is say bye bye..

Its been a while since ive posted anything on here, but i made a mistake, i lost my virginity to a guy i was not in love with it hurt really bad and it didnt last long, i got used and i cant forget it i want to let it go and move on but that was a huge part of who i was and i just gave it away like it was nothing the guy wont even talk to me anymore, the bad thing is i hear something or see something that reminds me of him i just start crying i cant even sleep sometimes when im thinking of him its just hard knowing that he did that to me he lied straight to my face he said he liked me and cared about me he was there for me when i was upset about my family until he got what he wanted then it was hasta la vista and i was left sleeping alone in his bed while he slept on his futon and he wouldnt even touch me, the next morning it was a quick eyes open hurry up and leave peck he didnt care a thing about me or my feelings thats what gets me how a man can be so insensitive i gave him everything i had and he just tossed me away like i was nothing he cared about himself and was only out for himself he made that pretty clear, it seems like ill never find Mr. Right ive almost given up looking because i only get hurt and im tired of being hurt he hurt me more than ive ever been hurt in my life thats the bad thing, the crazy thing? I have major feelings for him even though he did that to me i guess its just a reaction of loosing that and all but im not sure will i ever find a good guy? im starting to think not! Girls dont make the same mistake i have save it for marriage or at the very least someone your in love with who loves you to so heres my goodbye to him and all the bs that goes along with him! Forget you Brian Shepard your nothing but a jerk and i want nothing more to do with you!!!

as the skies turn to grey

Here lately ive had a real strong feeling that i need to meet my biological dad theres so many questions in my life that are going unanswered i feel like once i meet him maybe ill stop feeling like a piece of me is missing dont get me wrong i love my step-dad with all my heart hes the only dad ive ever known but i still feel the need to meet this man that nobody talks about its like his name is poison to everybody here, ive tried to find him online with no avail i dont know if he even wants to meet me :(

Dating site woes

So i finally broke down and set up a plenty of fish account and for those of you who dont know what that is its a dating site and ive met alot of good looking nice guys on there but of course my mom is having fits, one of the guys ive met here recently is in the National Guard and is currently Deployed to Afghanistan hes really nice and is only 23!! He has everything so far looks personality and a good job maybe this can work out to my advantage the dating site i mean, i can only hope so ive met some pretty mean guys on there to like one guy was calling me filthy names because i didnt want to talk to him but hey thats my choice and its whatever, so anyways bye for now

Stay Beautiful :)

Love Bre

Booooreedddd

So once again i am stuck at home with nothing to do my uncle,cousin,and dads friend are all going out to the bar and im stuck here doing nothing i am so tired of just sitting here i am bored out of my damn mind i mean seriously my cousin wouldnt even go to the lake w me today its getting old :(
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Success, i got over my boredom mom convinced my step-dad to let me go to the casino, well i got there and i was feelin lucky and i was lucky for a while i won close to thirty bucks i kept playin figuring well ok ill turn this into more BIG MISTAKE!!! i lost all my money i walked out with fifteen cents left lol but i had a good time which is why i went to start with but it woulda been nice if i couldve won some money lol but im in a much better mood thanks to that :)

Thats My Honest Everyday Opinion
Love,

Bre

Makes No Sense

So this guy i have been friends with since my freshman year of high school is now married well his wife freaked out on me today because of a remark that i made and because i asked him to text me because i was leaving this girl straight up flipped out on me it was pretty stupid in my opinion but i sat there and reassured her that i have absoloutley no interest in her husband other than friendship i told her this 4 times after she told me she didnt want us talking anymore (controlling much?) and she was deletin me off his page and if i tried to re-add him she would block me harsh i know well i think i got her reassured that its just friends that i want then she was like well were gonna be in town tomorrow i think we should hang out for hte first time and i was like ok but that makes no sense whatsoever to gripe someone out over innocent messages then to turn around and ask them to hang out i guess shes keepin me close to see if i try and steal him cause according to her hes a big flirt even though he has in no way hit on me in all the time weve been talking, most girls make no sense its stupid well its gettin late so im off to bed goodnight bloggers.

Any Advice?

Alright so my best friend came over the other night and everything and we can pretty much entertain ourselves well i had just finished watching Insidious and then we went for a walk on the gravel road in the pitch dark. Biiigggg Mistake i was so freaked out i kept looking behind me and totally got myself creeped out and im the kind of girl who loves scary movies and all things paranormal but man i was creeped lol. So lately this guy ive been sorta friends with for a while and everything is dating like crazy but he only talks about sex with me and he knows how i feel about it and everything but it seems like he doesnt care hes always askin if i would let him take my v-card but truth is i dont want him to but he kind of pressures me i like him but i guess he only wants sex from me, just today hes tellin me to masturbate and think about him and when i say no he persists why cant guys ever take no for an answer? i dont do anything to look slutty because im not im just myself and apparently im a tease?? i dont see how one guy even told me my eyes told him i was beggin for him to have sex with me but i dont ever realize any of this?? Any Advice for me?

Karma and such

So Lately it seems im having rotten luck in the guy department, yup once again im single the guy i was talking to all before and through bootcamp when i was in seperations and everything (i got discharged from the navy) decided he liked his ex better, allow me to explain. During bootcamp i was talking to him daily and everything was fine he said he couldnt wait for me to be home well i came home and he had been making plans for us getting married eventually and moving in together and all that well when i came home everything was good for about 2 weeks but everytime he came over he would start bitching about how i had given him "blue balls" ( i assume everyone knows what that is?) anyway i am a virgin and i am proud of my virginity because i feel it makes me stand out from all the other girls out there who are out sleeping with everybody i have something special anyways thats not the point well he started acting more and more distant with me so one night i confronted him about it he kept giving me excuses like he was trying to get back into the army and everything then it was i wanna be friends i kept at it until he told me he was still in love with her and he thought he was over her but he really wasnt, which would have been useful had he told me BEFORE he kissed me and got me liking him alot and to admit my feelings this seems to happen to me alot well he changed his excuse the next three nights i asked him if i even had a chance with him he said i do but the way its looking i dont, well Karma made its appearence to him the last couple weeks he tried to get his ex back they got in a big fight about it and she doesnt want him back well then two days ago his truck was stolen it seems like hes done some people wrong since all this is happening to him lately idk the reason but i know one thing i am moving on i refuse to be the rebound oh and btw he tried to act all flirty like he liked me again but you know what im sick of it so heres my song for today it kinda goes with this post :)

Feels like im startin all over again the last three years were just pretend and i said goodbye to you goodbye to everything that i knew you were the one i love the one thing that i tried to hold onto

random ramblings

So i got disqualified from the navy and im soo happy that i get to go home before long this place is like hell i miss my family and my friends i can do pretty much what i want but still i want to go home like now! Everybody misses me and i miss everybody i dont like being here i hate gettin yelled at everytime i turn away it gets old fast no wonder they said i have an anger problem cuz i will like start yellin at ppl right back hmmm idk im just ready to get back on a plane to oklahoma where i wanna be right now!

Ostracized in the classroom-Mason Krauter

Theres a Kid at my Old High School he is in special classees his name is Mason Krauter, hes a sweet kid he is currently a senior in high school its time for alumni he wasnt invited nor was he invited on the senior trip to six flags it seems that all the younger generations of seniors arent being very good to him and even the school staff is guilty of ostracizing him. I dont understand it he is being completely left out of everything hes a senior just like everybody else and i dont think they even invited him to his senior or junior prom nobody is telling him anything and day after day he goes home upset because of this yes hes in a wheelchair and special classes but thats no reason to treat him any worse or better than everybody he should be treated the same as all the other seniors last year everybody in my senior class tried to make him feel normal it really makes me sad to know that they dont treat him to well hes the sweetest kid hes friendly to everybody come on you guys wise up and treat him like you want to be treated. Mason im so sorry your going through this if i had known last year i would have taken you to my senior prom anything to make you feel included your such a sweet kid you dont deserve to be treated that way keep your head up its almost over!

Lady Gagas Judas is "Evil" No!

As we all know Lady Gaga released Judas not to long ago but there is one girl in particular who made a youtube video that i wanna shed some light on. She in the video starts her argument off with Judas is Jesus and as we all know thats not true Judas betrayed Jesus. She said some pretty offensive things including that people of a different sexuality are going to hell this girl doenst know what shes talking about in the bible it says god loves everybody even if you have a different sexuality. I personally love lady gaga she has some amazing messages in her songs like born this way is telling everybody to be happy with who they are, she makes some points that were completely irrevelant she even said god and jesus were the same thing but they arent, she is a catholic and yet shes saying that sex is a sin and you cant get into heaven if you have sex? Well we all have to have sex sometime thats what keeps the population alive and i wanna say im not gonna go to hell for listening to lady gaga yet why is she saying that we all will? who is she to determine who goes to heaven and hell? I was extremely offended by this video my cousin is bisexual and here she is claiming to be a devout catholic and she doesnt even know one fact from the bible not to mention shes slamming people that have done nothing wrong other than choose to love somebody of the same sex? Girl you really need to get your facts straight im sorry but before you make a youtube video about a widely supported person you might wanna actually read your bible and stop trying to make it look like you are because if you were you would have known that God forgives you no matter what thats why he sent his only son to die on the cross for us was so our sins would be forgiven,as well as saying judas jesus and god are all one person they so obviously are not. Lady gaga is an amazing artist i fully support her Go Gaga Little monsters forever!

You Cant put a face on an eating disorder. But you can Face Them.

"Convinced herself hell come back to her when shes perfectshes just a girl who doesnt know shes already Beautiful for everything thats wrong in life looks in the mirror to criticize shed rather be beautiful than alive." Deadly Beauty

Its another growing problem that you never really hear about but know it exists it happens to men and women alike if a girls mother sister ect suffers from it shes twice as likely to get it herself what is this thing that plagues us? If you guessed anorexia you are right.

Anorexia is typically seen in teens who have a strong fear of being fat even though the person is a typically healthy weight, eating disorders affect many people in the world and its when a person is starving themselves until they become thinner than is normal or even healthy. They will refuse to eat in front of others or just refuse to eat anything at all. People suffering from anorexia think they are overweight even after they get really thin. These teens dont realize what they are doing to themselves and their bodies what causes anorexia? Good Question, many think it stems from the person physcologically telling themselves that they are fat maybe after intense bullying or some type of abuse along with anorexia may come diet pill and laxative abuse but studies show that in sports with revealing uniforms the risk of anorexia is twice as high because these young people are pressured to stay thin. So who is at risk? Belive it or not girls as young as six and women as old as 76! It can also affect pregnant women. The media tends to be a major factor as well as peer pressure Anorexia can cause rapid changes is behavior such as increased isolation,moodiness,and depression. People with an eating disorder tend to see a distorted version of themselves in the mirror and many refuse to look into the mirror at all. Many will cook meals for their families and then refuse to eat any of it themselves blaming it on not being hungry or perhaps a late lunch 60% of teens and adults who receive treatment will recover but 20% percent will continue to struggle with eating disorder issues, Belive it or not anorexia is one of the leading causes of teen death in America some find it hard to belive that a girl who is literally starving herself to death can avoid being caught by her parents but studies show that a girl can also hide the fact that shes nine months pregnant forcing her to dump the baby in a trashcan at least 1,000 people diagnosed each year with an eating disorder die after obesity and asthma anorexia is the most common disease in females ages 15-24. Why is this happening? The Media, plain and simple.Many websites show models as being stick thin and medical professionals worry that the media is glamourizing a deadly illness, 80% of women are dissatisfied with their appearence 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner and 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of getting fat 51% of 9 and ten year olds feel better about themselves if they are on a diet 46% of 9-11 year olds are sometimes or very often on diets. Did you know: Anorexia has the highest fatality rate than any other psychiatric disorder people with an eating disorder are twice as likely to die from even the smallest suicide attempt than a person without an eating disorder. So what exactly are the causes? Nobody knows for sure but one things for sure the eating disorder rate is on the rise we need to help these people. Be A Hero Save Lives Stop Anorexia!

Hate is Jealousy in Action

"Poverty stole your golden shoes but it didnt steal your laughter heartache came to visit me but i knew it wasnt everafter we will fight not out of spite for someone must stand up for whats right cause where theres a man who has no voice there ours shall go singing in the end only kindness matters"

What does the above qoute mean to you? To me it represents a young woman who is standing up for those who nobody else will defend and this woman has a strong beleif in god and when things start to go wrong she turns to the lord its a song by Jewel called hands its used for many things one of them being rachaels challenge one of the first victims in the Columbine High School shootings this all relates to the worlds biggest problem. Bullying those boys were bullied so much they turned around and shot up their school killing many people. Rachael belived that a little kindness would go a long way and went out of her way to make somebody feel less alone she knew she would die young and she did, but what i dont understand is if she can go out of her way to be nice to somebody why cant everybody else? We hear about murders and stuff everyday on the news but nobody ever talks about bullying are we all so afraid to dress this growing problem
? are we afraid that our own children are bullies? or do we just not care because bullycide is a problem why should a young girl be made to feel like she needs to change something about herself just to fit in? its pathetic that these kids are picking on their peers and making them feel ugly or inferior when in reality the bullies are no better than the victims i think everybody should go out of their way to show a little kindness to somebody else if you see somebody being bullied dont just watch step in and stand up for the victim in Alyes words Think before you say things it might save....lives! and it will imagine if everybody said nothing but kind things to each other this world would be a better place why should we always be made to feel inferior? Why are young women feeling like to get a guy to notice them they have to sex it up a little bit? Because the media is focusing on sex and abuse nowdays girls are becoming sexually active younger and younger my moms friend has a thirteen year old that has a baby. A BABY at thirteen thats crazy. Sometimes i wish i could go back to a time when things were simple back when sex wasnt important and everybody waited till marraige instead of giving it up so early ive had alot of guys try to pressure me into sex but only you can be strong and say no. On another note whats with all the jealousy in school i dont get it.

"Hate is jealousy in action"

"Aint is funny how a moment could just change your life and you dont wanna face whats wrong or right aint it funny how fate can play a part"

The world today

"Of a nation thats starve is for salvation but clothing is the closest approximation to god and he only knows that drugs are all we know of  love I wish i could save her from all their dellusions oh the confusion everyday we starve while we eat white bread and beer and instead of a handshake or hug we spill the pills and sweep them under the rug"

Alright so my best friend just found out today that she has genital herpes which she got from her ex who i dated before she did but i didnt sleep with him thankfully but i can only imagine what shes going through right now shell have this the rest of her life it can be treated sure but now she has this disease and can infect fture partners if shes not careful dont get me wrong shes still my best friend and always will be but theres still that fear that i can get it which is totally irrational but its things like this that make me glad to be a virgin i dont have to worry about getting any kind of std or sti and i plan to have my husband tested when i get married its just crazy how life can change in an instant and sadly many young men and women dont realize all the risks they are taking when they become sexually active and many wind up pregnant or with an std or something its not even just that there are so many emotional risks involved sure im not innocent ive messed around but ive never taken it that far and i know that im not ready for all of that im only 18 my best friend is only a coupke weeks older and she has herpes i love her and will always be here for her no matter what but all im saying is think before you ake a big risk such as becoming sexually active sex is supposed to be shared with the one person your planning to spend the rest of your life with. Sex is a treasure dont give it up to soon. Since finding out she has herpes my best friends current boyfriend is being extremely distant with her he wont hold or comfort her its like their strangers again i really feel for her shes the closest thing to a sister i have shes an amazing friend and i plan to be around for her to talk to while she goes through this were having our annual girls night tonight but any advice for her?

"My little sister is a zombie in a body with no soul or role she has learned to play in a world today where nothing else matters" Jewel Little sister

Bullying, an epidemic?

It happens everyday in school at work in the community even online its affecting the youth of america and suicide rates are higher than ever! what is this problem might you ask? BULLYING! Yup i said it bullies are tormenting people everywhere now and many victims of bullying feel they have nowhere to turn to stop the abuse so they turn to destructive things such as cutting many even choose suicide after dealing with it for so long. So what is being done about bullying? Sadly not much many adults simply choose to overlook it instead of confronting the problem directly, it is beleived that bullying stems from a low self esteem themselves and because of this they act out on others to try and make themselves feel better and the truth is it doesnt. Many bullies think what theyre doing cant cause any harm when in reality it does it can dramatically effect self image, just ask Alye Pollack the eight grader who made a youtube video after dealing with bullying and not knowing where to turn she used her voice in a powerful way which let her bullies know hey what did i ever do to you, the video was so popular it made it on cnn and it addresses a very big issue many young girls are the victims called names such as a bitch or fat ect they start to believe it and when they look at themselves thats what they see instead of a beautiful intelligent young woman, even alye herself said she wasnt a cutter but was close the question is, How far are we gonna let this go before it turns into something bigger than us america, are we to wrapped up in our own selfish selfs that were not paying attention to what our children are doing? When you hear your teenage son or daughter talking rudley about a classmate or witness them bullying another do you just blame it on their age and say theyll grow out of it or do you actually do something? Do you teach your kids that its wrong to bully, or do you yourself bully others and not realize that your child is twice as likely to bully another if you condone it maybe one day they may even bully you, America stand up and fight this do we really want our children to be bullied to the point that they snap and act out whether it be on themselves or others like what happened at Columbine High School? Those boys were bullied each and everyday until they had enough they took guns and shot up the school before later killing themselves do we really want that again? Maybe you think your son or daughter cant be a bully but im here to tell you that they can, it only takes one time to start an epidemic so why not take a stand against it? Bullying is harmful and in most states illegal its slanderous demeaning and downright hurtful as a victim myself i can tell you its really damaging to the self esteem and i applaud Alye Pollack for having the courage to stand up and say shes being bullied and wants it to end many suffer in silence lets do something america one person can be a bully or they can be a friend which will you choose? To stand by as somebody is bullied to no end and chooses to commit suicide or will you step in and prevent further damage stop bullycide america its a growing problem just ask alye herself or even elizabeth after hearing their stories i realized this is much bigger than just my town this happens everyday to real people it needs to be stopped. Be Heros Save Lives help stomp out bullying you just might start an epidemic.