what the hell is so wrong with me that i scream for jerks to want me i thought i had a good guy ive dated him once before i was so crazy bout him he just all of a sudden stopped talking to me i havent heard from him since sunday he wont answer my calls or texts he deleted me on facebook idk what else to do im tired of it i dont wanna play games i just want someone who actually means what they say and doesnt just wanna use me for whatever they can get i have feelings to but apparently nobody sees that idk anymore i guess its back to staying single and ill never date an ex boyfriend again just because this is what happens i am so tired of being hurt i just want someone whos gonna actually love me for me but i guess thats to much to ask anymore it seems that ill never have that i hate feeling like this but if thats what it takes i guess oh well im done with it im not getting hurt anymore you could at least have the balls to TELL me that you want nothing more to do with me instead of ignoring me but whatever you made your bed now i just hope for your sake you can lie in it because i am done.

parents splitting up, is the end or a new beginning?

So my parents are apparently splitting up my dad and i got into an argument this morning and he announced that he was done and he is leaving then i come home and my mom is outside crying seems they got into a fight themselves and she told him she wasnt gonna beg him to stay i am proud of her because shes standing up for herself i really dont know why my dad wants to leave us so bad but im to the point where i just wish hed leave and get it over with im tired of walking on eggshells around him all the time so is this really the end or is it just a new beginning i guess only time will tell.

so here lately ive been pretty busy i got into emt school and i love it so far ive been working alot only thing about it is my supervisor seriously pisses me off and its an everyday thing but enough about that i met another new guy....rephrase: i havent actually met him yet but hes friends with some people i know so its not like hes some random creeper he seems sweet so far but only time will tell as always he owes me a night out to dinner so we shall see im starting to get over this whole being single thing but until i find someone whos actually worth my time im not to worried about it but it would be nice to have someone to come spoil me or whatever a little :) thats all for now! tata

Roomates.....Nuff Said.

Soooo here lately ive been planning to get an apartment with my friend lindsay and everything was all kosher until i hooked her and my cousin up now because she doesnt wanna live anywhere with out him shes totally bailing on all of our plans and wasnt even gonna tell me about it until AFTER i put her on the lease shes been planning to get a house by herself this whole time and shes completely changed she doesnt even want anything to do with me unless my cousin is around and to be honest i get pretty damn tired of it she used to be one of my closest friends but here lately im not to sure shes been acting like such a bitch and i just dont even know what to say to her ive tried to talk to her but shes so concerned with getting married and stuff shes wayy more in love with my cousin then he even is with her hes said it himself she sulks if he doesnt concentrate soley on her she gets an attitude and sulks there was even one time when me and my cousin were arguing about something she assumed it was about her and took off barefoot down the highway and just layed down in the road while we were screaming for her this girl has some major headtrips she randomly bursts into tears for no reason at all idk what it is with her anymore she doesnt act like a normal person sometimes i wonder if maybe she has a psychotic condition or is bipolar or something she is not the same person i became best friends with and it scares me a little bit she even admitted she only comes here to see my cousin and it aggravates me because shes supposedly my friend but yet shes not acting like it when hes around she needs all the attention or shes mad i mean seriously dude life is not all about you as much as you think it is its not he has family he socializes with if you dont like it dont come over why should he ignore his family just because you want all the attention thats not even right i just idk right now im beyond pissed off because she was completely inconsiderate and shes just being such a bitch anymore i feel like shes rushing into this so fast she wants to get married and have a family shes only 19 shes never even experienced life theyve been together like three months and shes already planning their wedding she wont listen to anybody telling her different either sooooooooo im not sure anymore.

Yay So Happy :)

Well got good news i met a new guy who is sweet we have a lot of things in common our first date was at a carnival last night and through everything we just talked on every ride we talked about almost everything i had an amazing time better than any other date ive had and i get to see him again tomorrow he makes me laugh so much its crazy hes so cute and he just enjoys having a good time even by dancing like a crazy person just to make me laugh hes one of the first guys ive felt this deep of a connection with he was a perfect gentleman all night and he was all about what i wanted to do i had so much fun i never thought id find a guy that i could just have fun talkin to it was honestly the best first date ive had the best part is he likes lady gaga and disney movies as much as i do which means we dont even have to spend alot of money to have a good time we could just cuddle up and watch movies together man im in such a great mood today :) more on this later ill write more after our date tomorrow :)

Its time to be a big girl now, and big girls dont cry

Everyone always tells me do what makes you happy, but lately i feel as if i cant be happy its as if im falling deeper and deeper into a funk that i cant avoid and its getting harder and harder to pretend, everytime i turn around im being insulted by my dad either im fat or lazy or stupid when will it end? I just want to feel loved by someone being put down all the time is hard to deal with i feel like maybe if i was anorexic and unhealthy about a size 0-2 my dad would love me but even when i was small he still called me fat i cant even eat anything without him looking at me in disgust what can i do to win with him i just want his approval

i will go down this ship

Well as usual things are starting to go south the guy i mentioned and are barely talking it feels different than it did before everything is changing around me and i feel like i cant do anything about it everyone keeps telling me i need to grow up but is that really possible? do we ever really grow up? I feel like im pulled in a hundred different directions anymore im trying to move out but i cant even afford that right now but when i get kicked out im forced to come back home i really dont know anymore, im tired of the relationship bit its gettin old fast every guy i meet lives to far and once i really start liking them they drift away from me i dont know what to say i dont wanna be used and abused i want something real but that seems hard to find nowdays chivarly is apparently dead? because i sure as hell am not seeing it with many guys now all they want is a quick feel or a piece of ass and when im not agreeable its the end of everything its really aggravating i want a guy that can keep up with me and can actually understand how im feeling i want a guy who will just hold me when he knows im sick or upset a guy whos not afraid to hurt my feelings a guy who likes me for me and doesnt just want something from me someone i feel i could spend my life with instead of a guy who splits after he gets what he wants im not that kinda girl, the one guy i really still care about is the one i went out with one time his name is luke he was extremely sweet and understanding but he now has a girlfriend i didnt even get a chance to tell him i saved all the messages he sent me over the time i knew him or that i care about him he didnt want to complicate his relationship by talking to me apparently so idk where we stand i like this guy im supposedly with now but i have a feeling theres someone else he doesnt even have to say it i just feel it everything has completely changed from the way we talk to how much we talk ever since that night but im tired of pretending everything is ok because its not all i do anymore is fight with my family and im sick of it im sick of being used and abused sure i have my needs but honestly thats not what im about im a normal teenage girl i want to go have a good time i want someone to be around for me when i need them without expecting something in return i dont pretend to be perfect ive made mistakes but thats who i am i want someone who can understand that and not judge me is that so much to ask? im starting to think my mr. right doesnt exist maybe im destined to walk this earth alone becoming like a crazy cat lady or something idk haha

Hmmmm :)

Well for starters i know i havent posted in a while but i have been majorly busy with work i went and dropped fourty bucks to get my nose peirced and my manager made me take it out, the last guy i went out with and i dont talk so much anymore we didnt do anything i kissed him but thats about it but we live so far apart the distance was killin it anyway, but i had a date tonight hes really sweet not the cutest but he has a good personality and hes a gentleman was starting to think there werent any left haha i behaved myself so im pretty happy but anyways its been a great day i hope everybody else is havin a good day :)