i will go down this ship

Well as usual things are starting to go south the guy i mentioned and are barely talking it feels different than it did before everything is changing around me and i feel like i cant do anything about it everyone keeps telling me i need to grow up but is that really possible? do we ever really grow up? I feel like im pulled in a hundred different directions anymore im trying to move out but i cant even afford that right now but when i get kicked out im forced to come back home i really dont know anymore, im tired of the relationship bit its gettin old fast every guy i meet lives to far and once i really start liking them they drift away from me i dont know what to say i dont wanna be used and abused i want something real but that seems hard to find nowdays chivarly is apparently dead? because i sure as hell am not seeing it with many guys now all they want is a quick feel or a piece of ass and when im not agreeable its the end of everything its really aggravating i want a guy that can keep up with me and can actually understand how im feeling i want a guy who will just hold me when he knows im sick or upset a guy whos not afraid to hurt my feelings a guy who likes me for me and doesnt just want something from me someone i feel i could spend my life with instead of a guy who splits after he gets what he wants im not that kinda girl, the one guy i really still care about is the one i went out with one time his name is luke he was extremely sweet and understanding but he now has a girlfriend i didnt even get a chance to tell him i saved all the messages he sent me over the time i knew him or that i care about him he didnt want to complicate his relationship by talking to me apparently so idk where we stand i like this guy im supposedly with now but i have a feeling theres someone else he doesnt even have to say it i just feel it everything has completely changed from the way we talk to how much we talk ever since that night but im tired of pretending everything is ok because its not all i do anymore is fight with my family and im sick of it im sick of being used and abused sure i have my needs but honestly thats not what im about im a normal teenage girl i want to go have a good time i want someone to be around for me when i need them without expecting something in return i dont pretend to be perfect ive made mistakes but thats who i am i want someone who can understand that and not judge me is that so much to ask? im starting to think my mr. right doesnt exist maybe im destined to walk this earth alone becoming like a crazy cat lady or something idk haha