Its time to be a big girl now, and big girls dont cry

Everyone always tells me do what makes you happy, but lately i feel as if i cant be happy its as if im falling deeper and deeper into a funk that i cant avoid and its getting harder and harder to pretend, everytime i turn around im being insulted by my dad either im fat or lazy or stupid when will it end? I just want to feel loved by someone being put down all the time is hard to deal with i feel like maybe if i was anorexic and unhealthy about a size 0-2 my dad would love me but even when i was small he still called me fat i cant even eat anything without him looking at me in disgust what can i do to win with him i just want his approval